It’s time we got serious about something, my lovelies. Something that is very near and dear to my heart; Halloween.

The cynical say that it’s for kids and well, that’s malarkey.

Is Vincent Price for kids? Night of the Living Dead? Dead Man’s Bones?

Sure, it’s fun to take the kids to the Pumpkin Spectacular and dress them up and watch them play a character for the night but you know something? All the kids I know play dress up and act like their favorite superheroes all year long. As adults, we get Halloween. That’s it. That’s why I do not understand why there are so few of us who really go all in.

Have you ever not seen a situation made a thousand times better where the people involved were in costume? Halloween elevates your normal spousal disagreement into a mermaid and a Ghostbuster yelling about where to go for dinner. Hilarious. So, uhm…YES.

In a controversial move that surprises many, I don’t discriminate against big kids-as long as they are in costume-and don’t just show up with some fake blood on their face and a pillow case full of candy. Anyone who takes the time to dress up for real and is in any way creative about it, gets my respect.

The sexy outfits are another matter all together. Believe it or not, I don’t care for them because they are a costume cop-out, not because they are showy or inappropriate for the cold weather. Cosplay is proof that sexy can be inventive.

I went through my “sexy phase” and you know why mine were different and better? Because I made every single one of them: Mary who had a little lamb, Mary Quite Contrary, Miss A-Mary-Ca, Mother Mary, Mary Lynn Monroe, every last one from scratch.

But then I graduated from my 20’s and along with my feelings on almost everything, Halloween changed for me, too. I wanted to be the very best character I could be. If I was going to dress up, I was going ALL IN.

bride of frankenstein1

Bride of Frankenstein, bitches. My real hair.

miss argentina

Miss Argentina from Beetlejuice. Painting yourself blue takes commitment.



poison Ivy

Poison Ivy. Also see; Bane and Spiderman.

Worth it. Every single time. The glue in the eyebrows, the bottle of conditioner, tracking canned hair dye all over the house, safety pins, blue arm pits for a week.

In this day and age where we seek to explain everything with science and technology (even ghosts), the unknown barely even exists anymore. Thank goodness for Halloween or we might forget it all together.

Nowadays, I dress up to take the kid trick-or-treating. Nowadays, he is getting tired of it so we end up looking for an event to attend but even that is difficult; We aren’t really the club type, the bars wait until the very last minute to announce their Halloween plans and even then, where’s the spooky music? It’s clear that with very few exceptions, no one is taking Halloween seriously anymore.

Before we lived in such a tiny home in such a shitty neighborhood, I would light a fire and play old movies, dress up and decorate and make a fabulous dinner. We would drink pumpkin beer and pass out candy and giggle at the kiddos.

Now, we are looking for a Proper Halloween. Anyone else in this boat? I have been asking around and have found some interest in a party that you could plan ahead for, a mandatory costume event, possibly in an old building with some interest, with properly designed decorations and a theme. I know I would be willing to pay extra to ensure that it was done proper.

Who’s with me?!


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